Reading Time: 2 minutesIt can be so frustrating when you have a habit that you KNOW you shouldn’t do and you really want to stop, but just can’t seem to get a handle on it. Personally, I think everyone has their “drug of choice” so-to-speak. That thing that calls to you even though you tell it no… at first.
But it’s so persuasive. And so persistent… that pretty soon you’re eating that chocolate, or binging Netflix, or playing that game, or thinking about that guy or … whatever it is.
I want to share with you a concept that I originally learned through a Tony Robbin’s training, but have since found and practiced in multiple different contexts from therapy to self-work. It’s not only an incredibly useful tool in your psychological toolkit, it’s also pretty fun, once you get into it.
It works like this…
Exercise:
Imagine the habit or tendency that you’d like to change. Really take a minute to remember an exact situation where you experience this urge, it doesn’t exactly have to be a real instance, but try to live into the actual (realistic) experience of that pull.
Now imagine for a second that there is a part of you wants to do the “unwanted” activity. This shouldn’t be hard, since a part of you does, right?
Now give that part a name. It can be a real name, or it can be a name for a feeling, or something else entirely, the point is just to come up with something that you can call this part of yourself when it comes around. Something that feels right to you. For now I’ll call it Charlie.
Once you have named that part that DOES want to do the habit, think of the part of you that does NOT want to do the habit, and name them too. I’m gonna call this one Veronica.
Now you should have two parts of your personality imagined and named. Now for the meaningful (and let’s face, maybe a little weird) part.
Have your “Charlie” and “Veronica” enter into a dialogue and discuss the habit.
The point is to give the reasoning of each “perspective” in as realistic and genuine a way as possible. Try to imagine each persona giving their highest and best arguments for the habit, or wanting to stop.
Be sure to have the two parts of your personality really listen to one another, because that will help to flesh out the narratives, and really bring awareness to the different nuances of the situation.
For best results, be creative and try to get into the sense of play in this game. Remember play is marked by a suspension of disbelief, so get into it and have fun. You might be absolutely amazed at what you come up with to help you better understand your underlying motivations.
If you’d like some conversation starters to get the two of them started, you can try these:
- “Charlie, what is this habit doing for you that you really appreciate?”
- “Veronica what is this habit getting in the way of that you really value?”
- “Charlie, what would be enough of the habit?”
- etc.
This is an exercise that I love to use both in my personal life and with my clients because the awareness created can really help to bring about powerful shifts.
