3 Essential Questions in Your Decision Making Process

  With so much power and possibility available to us, it can sometimes feel really difficult to be sure which decision to make in any given moment. Add to that that we sometimes regret places we’ve gone in the past, and we have a recipe for decision-making dilemmas.   

Next time you are having trouble making any kind of decision, ask yourself these three questions:

 

Question 1: Do I Have Clarity? 

The difference between a daring adventure and an aimless wander, is having a destination. Before setting out on your road trip, spend a little time selecting a destination. That way, you won’t end up in Tulsa. You don’t want to wind up in Tulsa do you?   Deciding on your ultimate destination will help you make every other decision in the moment. So how do you get clear on that?   People make decisions based on the things that we value in life, the things that we find meaningful. If you are unclear on what is important to you in life, it can be difficult to make a decision in any moment. First, decide on what you want to experience in your life.    In our road trip analogy, you might wonder what kind of climate you want to be in, or what kind of social environment, or what kind of culture you are looking for. In your life, this means determining what kinds of experiences are most important to you.     Get curious about what your real motivations are. You can use the 5 Why Process to get more clear on what’s going on behind any decision.    Also, I would recommend everyone and their mother go through a values solicitation process. This is something that many certified professional coaches can help you with. You can also do it yourself (although it can be hard to see any blindspots you might have) by asking yourself again and again the question, “What has been important to me in life?”   Once you get clear on why you are making the decision and what kinds of things are really important to you in life, it becomes much easier to make decisions based on those “whys” driving you.  

Question 2: Do I See Possibility?

In order to make decisions, we need to have options to choose from. In addition to seeing a number of choices, we actually have to believe that each choice is possible for us, personally. This includes two potential obstacles: Either you don’t see choices, or you don’t see choices for you.    In our road trip analogy this can be difficult to make sense of because it’s tricky to imagine a situation where you can’t plot a course to your ultimate destination. We tend to believe that there are routes available, and that we can take them. But imagine that your GPS weren’t working.    Then you’d need a (gasp!) paper map…  

If you don’t see any choices…

• You can spend some time brainstorming. I love the technique of mind-mapping. Start with a central theme or idea, then create as many possibilities, or branches coming off of the central theme as you can. For example, if I were making a decision about career paths, I might create one branch for each possible choice of job/career that I might be interested in. 

If you see choices, but you don’t believe they are possible for you… 

• The game becomes finding the pathway forward. Don’t worry about the amount of effort right now; you are trying to come up with a pathway that you believe is possible. 

  It’s important to not put up obstacles at this point. Just find a path to getting there. Wonder how other people might have gotten there (from infant to success). Consider how you might get there if you had all the money and skill in the world. Remember we are only playing with possibilities at this point. Have fun with it and stay curious and open-minded.   

Question 3: Are My Desires Consistent?

This is the silent obstacle of the decision making process. Sometimes when we are trying to make a decision, two or more of our possible choices have a values conflict. This results in a feeling of stuck-ness or uncertainty.    In our analogy, this would be like choosing between a route that has a lot of traffic (costing time) and a toll route (costing money). In either choice you gain something and you lose something. So you have a conflict of values: time vs. money.    Outside of the road trip analogy, this can become even more complicated.    Let’s say you are considering leaving your job and starting that dog-walking business you’ve always wanted. You might be really excited about the idea; you love dogs and would love to hang out with them for a living. A really name is already picked out: The Daily Paws (see what I did there?).    There’s only one problem. You can’t seem to pull the trigger and actually make the decision. You just feel… blocked.    It’s quite possible that you have a core value on something like ‘security’ or ‘comfort’ (to name two – this is when knowing your core values is useful!). When you consider opening your business, your subconscious mind can create a boundary because your new business feels like a threat to existing values.    The end result? You don’t take action, because you are automatically choosing comfort over (whatever your value in the dog-walking business is, say…) passion and you default to staying in your current day job.   

Tension between values happens frequently and is one of the most common causes of decision-making challenges. 

  To move forward you will need to resolve this values conflict.    There are plenty of mental exercises that you can use to do this. You could learn to reframe your thinking about the situation, develop a strategy to accomplish both values simultaneously, or simply honor your priorities. Sometimes just recognizing this tension and naming it will be enough to resolve the tension and make a decision.   

Making decisions can be difficult to do, but it doesn’t have to be. Clarify your values, Discover your options, and Resolve your conflicts and you’ll be making decisions quickly and confidently in no time. Enjoy your journey!