Imagine this, you’re at a party, and you witness your partner having a lively conversation with a stranger that’s been going on for an hour now. How do you feel?
The instinctive response to such a situation, for many, is that of a threat. Along with that, many have feelings of self-doubt and insecurities, eventually making a person believe that they are losing something here. It feels like a competition.
This is normal, most of us feel that way. But it’s not necessarily healthy for our well being. If you share a similar response, most likely, you have a zero-sum mindset too. And most likely you weren’t even aware of it, until now.
Naturally, the obvious place to start is to understand whether you are presently operating in a zero-sum game. But before that, let’s get to know what a zero-sum game is, as some of you may be unfamiliar with the concept.
What is a Zero-sum Game?
A zero-sum game is a game where there can only be one winner. A game of poker, where all the money ends up with a single person, is a familiar example. In this case, for every dollar a person wins, there’s another person who loses a dollar. In essence, there’s a loss for every win. It’s a case of either “win” or “lose” and no room for alternatives.
More often than not, in a zero-sum game, the focus is on external mile markers. You might find yourself believing you can only achieve success or happiness once you reach a million dollars in revenue, find the “perfect” partner, or receive validation or affirmation from other people. A person outsources the permission to feel a certain way, which if denied can be termed a loss.
In a sense, people put their sense of happiness, security, and well-being onto something that they have no control over. Consequently, achieving all of these “mile markers” takes the shape of a need, an obsession. And this white-knuckling is not only unsustainable but also destructive in the way it impacts our life.
Zero-Sum Game in Business
Now that you understand what a zero-sum game is, we can safely move on to understand how it plays out in the realm of business.
Imagine seeing someone in your industry showing off their success on Instagram. From a zero-sum game perspective, they are winning clients and you are operating at a loss. Negative emotions such as jealousy and defeat arise, sapping the energy required to go out and acquire new business. You’ve placed an unreasonable amount of security on external factors. And now each client that doesn’t sign with you perpetuates the narrative of you being a loser.
Dealing with Mile Markers
People create mile markers like “once I’ve made a million dollars, I’ll be okay”. Meaning that until they reach a million dollars, they’re not okay, they are in a state of lack.
The way to distance yourself from the zero-sum game is to get rid of the mile markers and look at yourself from a completely different vantage point. It’s more effective if we make ourselves feel complete first and then target our goal.
When you naturally feel worthy of the love, attention, and affection in the world, you don’t have to get to any specific place to feel that way. You can show up with the kind of self-belief that makes you and your business more attractive, increasing your likelihood of acquiring clients.
The Need-Want Discussion
A common mindset found amongst early-stage entrepreneurs is “I need my business to work out”. Let’s look at why this could be problematic.
Using the word “need” invokes a lack of other options, taking away our sense of choice. One might say that “humans need to keep breathing”. This statement implies that there are no other options. However, there is another option: to not breathe. What the speaker might be implying is that “humans need to keep breathing… if they want to keep living”. It could be equally true that if a human doesn’t want to keep living, breathing is actually counterproductive.
Using words like 'need' or 'should' is usually an attempt to motivate ourselves. The downside is that we are replacing our sense of autonomy with a sense of obligation.
A more productive mindset is that of “I want my business to work out. But if it doesn’t, I’m okay. I’m whole, complete, and resourceful. I’m capable of trying until I figure it out.” This creates space for a more relaxed approach, one in which the person comes to the table with valuable offers to provide instead of being in desperate need of affirmation from their potential clients.
From a place of “want”, you transfer the authority to your desires to dictate your actions. And when you implement this framework in business, it stops being an obligation and the actions you take are from a place of passion- with your heart in the game.
How to not have a Zero-Sum Mindset
Hopefully the demerits of a zero-sum mindset are clear by now. Let’s wrap up with some ways that you can elevate your mindset beyond the harmful impacts of the zero-sum.
Shifting the Focus
In most games, the achievement is the prize. A revenue number in a business or the number of years together in a relationship. Try shifting your focus from these external achievements towards the study of who you’re becoming for the pursuit of the goal. Instead of reaching a revenue number, base your success on becoming the kind of person who takes bold action towards increasing their income; putting together a badass sales pitch, overcoming the awkwardness of networking events, making a brave investment in your business. If you win the prize anyway, that is just a cherry on top!
Reflecting & Practicing Gratitude
Using goals as checkboxes isn’t optimal because there is always one goal after another, and when you constantly chase these goals it’s like the carrot at the end of the stick, you keep on running to chase the carrot but never reach it. In doing this, you lose touch with your accomplishments and fail to recognise the way you’re already resourceful in your life.
A simple perspective change, from looking at things we’re yet to accomplish to looking at everything we’ve already accomplished makes us realize how much we’re actually winning. When you look back, you know you’ve gotten through a lot of situations, a lot of difficulties and you know that’s who you are. So you take this strong mindset into the pursuit of your next goal & achieve the most resourceful state of your mind possible, confidence. This way, you’re already there where you want to be.
Going forward from a place of already being there...
The last sentence could lead many readers to question “If I’m already there, why would I continue to try?”
It’s a reasonable question. And it has a simple answer- you won’t need to try anymore. This is where the distinction between need and want comes into play. If you need to do something, you will be operating from a place of trying to find completeness within yourself. But if you want to do it, you’ll find ways that you can continue doing so. So it doesn’t matter if you’re already there, you’d be complete enough to have the freedom to pursue your heart’s desires.
What would happen, if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were already whole, resourceful, and complete?
Conclusion
It’s common for people to discover that they’re in a zero-sum game. If you are one of them, don’t be intimidated, but consider this a moment of realization, a prompt to change your life moving forward. You’ve already taken the first step by reading this article till the end.
For more support on your journey, you can use this Becoming Goals workbook here. And if you’d like to hear more about this topic, you can check out our podcast conversation here.
Here’s to a life of completeness.
