In part one of this 3-part series on creating meaningful and provocative conversations, we talked about what makes a meaningful conversation so meaningful. We also explored how to mine your small talk for conversational gold, using a values-exploration technique.
In this section, we will discuss how you can create a shared connection when the members of a group don’t seem to have much in common…
Technique the Second — Connect at the Root
Another way to create more meaningful conversations is to draw from the well-spring of the things that are meaningful to all of us.
Just like we all breathe air, drink water, eat food, and need sleep (or perhaps because we have these things in common), certain topics have an almost universal appeal. By leading the conversation into one of these areas, you can ensure engagement, if not depth.
Think about the themes of television shows. Topics like money, sex, power, survival, death, controversy, and relationships between people have interest that transcends culture, status, and personal circumstances.
Also, since we all have access to roughly the same emotional states, you can count on those states to be engaging when you bring them up for others. Fear, excitement, ecstasy, shock, and confusion naturally perk up our ears.
So, how do you use that for your conversations?
Consider cultivating your own stories around some of these topics. Think about times when these universal ideas have been relevant in your life. Have you ever had a near-death experience (or a time when you were at extreme risk)? What about a surprising win-fall of money? These kinds of stories will naturally have a magnetic appeal.
You can also keep an eye out for these situations around you that engage with these topics or emotions.
As I write this, there is a news story about a football player getting suspended. He ripped off another player’s helmet and hit him with it and got suspended indefinitely. It’s very dramatic.
We could easily turn this into a controversial conversation that many people would find interesting and engaging. “What do you think about football players fighting?” is a question that can get a controversial and engaging conversation rolling.
Another go-to if a diverse group starts to lose interest is to ask a question with universal appeal. Here are a few examples that you can use to spark an engaging conversational thread (depending on the audience), but feel free to make up your own:
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What’s the most afraid you have ever been?
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Have you ever thought you were going to die?
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What’s the most trouble you’ve ever been in?
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Tell me about your greatest regret…
Opportunities for universal connections are everywhere. Keep an eye out for them, and you can build a repertoire of compelling topics in no time.
In part three of this series, we will talk about the most playful way to create engaging conversations. There is an area of study that is all about using games to uncover pieces of our personalities. Be sure to check it out.
