When action-oriented people feel stuck, there are two fairly common (but frequently counterproductive) ways they seek feedback to get motivated again. See if either of these sounds familiar…
- Common Get-Unstuck Strategy #1) Reach out to friends who are also stuck to talk it through. This can help you feel genuinely heard and understood by your fellow stuck comrades, and deeply aware of your current experience. However, you aren’t likely getting helpful ideas for getting unstuck.
- Common Get-Unstuck Strategy #2) Look to successful people in your life who “have it all figured out” for inspiration. This can help you see a viable path to success, proven to work by this role model. However, you can start to feel resentful by comparing yourself to this gold-star of a human …and not measuring up.
Looking outside yourself for insight is a very reasonable step for creating an authentic path forward for you. The secret to using outreach to create lasting motivation is that your path has to be both of these things: 1) a path authentic to YOU and 2) a path forward.
With the first strategy above, you are being authentic about your current state, but you stay stuck.
With strategy two you see a proven path forward, but it isn’t really your path.
Both strategies can leave you unclear about what you really want out of the situation.
While getting clear is rarely easy, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Here are 3 simple steps to access more of your inner resources when you are feeling stuck.
1. Get On Your Own Side
First things first. Take it easy on yourself. While it can feel like the only way to make it through life is by sheer force of will as you get your shit together, try and remember that the odds are that your life will be a lot longer than you think.
The only relationship that you are required to have the whole time is your relationship with yourself. Give yourself a big hug and accept yourself as you are, warts and all.
It all starts with how we talk to ourselves. Cultivate (that means that you literally “practice saying”) positive linguistic habits. You know how your parents used to say “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Well you can take this a step further. Actually practice saying positive things to yourself.
What kind of relationship do you want to cultivate with yourself? Is this going to be one of those sadomasochist deals, or are you going to play a little nicer? Personally, I like my relationship to involve a lot of laughing at/with myself for doing stupid shit (I’ve found it to be waaaay more fun than beating myself up for the same things).
Action: What’s something nice that you can say about yourself (that you believe) right now? Say it ten times now. Right now. Seriously, these things require practice. No amount of understanding will create change; you have to put in your reps to make the connections.
2. What’s Most Important To You?
Now let’s put that most powerful processing unit in the known universe — your human brain — to some effective use shall we? If we don’t give that amazing brain of yours something productive to do, it will just go back to spinning on your favorite worry du jour.
Taking a look at what is most important to you lays fundamental groundwork for a meaningful life. This can’t be overstated.
The thing is: if you don’t take the time to pay attention to the values you hold most dear, it’s not as though you’ll have a shortage of goal-setting ideas. They just won’t be YOUR goals that you are setting. They’ll be your parent’s, or your teacher’s, or that super-successful person’s. All of which are great goals… for them.
If you want to get clear on outcomes and goals for you that will keep you joyously moving forward, then you’ll want to invest some resources into getting clear on what is most important to you — your core values — if you haven’t already.
From your core values, you can create a mission and vision for your life, which will naturally lead to one or more strategies, which will then lead to meaningful actions. If you get stuck, you’ll have a much clearer internal compass to guide you.
Action: There are countless exercises and resources for doing this work. In addition to books, podcasts, TED talks, and YouTube videos; there are also coaching professionals who specialize in helping people better understand their deeper motivations. In fact… I might have the number of a good one around here somewhere… 
3. Everything In It’s Right Place — The Power Of An Environment
Ok, this is secret sauce. If understanding your values is planting the seed, then the environment you set up for yourself is protecting and fertilizing it.
What kind of environment would support your seed? Not only will the little one need nourishment to grow, there are all sorts of things that will stomp on your growing goal, or crowd it out. So how do you create a resourceful and supportive environment for your seed to grow?
One way to think of environment is as internal/external and constructive/destructive. I like to remind myself that nothing is right or wrong, good or bad, but they DO have impacts that either contribute to or distract from my meaningful outcomes. If I want to be in really good shape, for example, having a cupboard well-stocked with junk food would be distracting from that outcome.
Everything in your day–to–day life is your environment. The things you see/hear, the thoughts you think, the ways you spend your time, and even the people that you interact with can all either contribute to your chosen outcomes, or distract from them.
Action: Begin to think of your internal and external environments in terms of constructive and distracting of your desired outcomes. What is on your personal Charge/Drain List? Don’t forget to include the people with whom you associate and the thoughts you think to yourself.
